sex

Meet Janet and Pam Ella, Australia's first mother-daughter sex experts.

How often do you stop by your mum’s place to have a quick chat about sex?

Never? Once a year? Once a month? Or, like, every day?

If you’re Dr. Janet Hall and her daughter Pam Ella Hall, your conversations are entwined with musings about sex. Discussions and analysis on how long you traditionally orgasm for are common narratives, the concept of what it means to be a modern lover forever up for debate.

The duo can be considered two of Australia’s first mother and daughter sexperts, both passionate in their pursuit of healthy relationships through the bedrocks of healthy sex.

Dr. Janet Hall is a psychologist, hypnotherapist and sex therapist. Her daughter, Pam Ella, is a Tantric life coach, purporting to “immerse herself in the world of sacred sexuality”.

So what’s it like being so open with your mother about what is traditionally such a societal taboo? And to have your lines of work intertwine so naturally?

Dr. Janet Hall. Image suppled.

For Dr. Janet Hall, perhaps not as remarkable as you or I might originally assume. And although their entire careers are centred so heavily on the relationship humans have with sex, she is quick to explain how much their jobs markedly differ.

"We have totally different styles," she tells Mamamia.

"I am the academic and sex therapist of 35 years. I’m working mostly with how people think about sex and how they communicate about sex in order to solve problems and design an ideal sex life. Pam Ella, on the other hand, is a Tantrika, which means she talks about whole body orgasms, how to use breath and how to weave masculine and feminine."

For the ignorant or simply totally confused, Dr. Hall means she works in conversations, theories and in ideas. Pam Ella, on the other hand, has a much more physical role.

It is, I guess, the kinds of careers that "complement" each other, Dr. Hall believes, but ones that also come with their differences of opinion.

"She’s coming from the holistic model. On paper, I talk about spirit, heart, mind and body but I don’t do any hands on body work. She doesn’t have sex with anybody of course, but there is a lot of breath work, and relaxing massage and learning about trigger points in the body that don’t necessarily have to do with sex but to do with the erogenous zones," Dr. Hall explains.

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Pam Ella Hall. Image supplied.

"I mostly talk to people about mastering their thoughts, anxieties and being realistic about their expectations."

For Pam Ella, there's little doubt that growing up with a sex therapist mother meant she was exposed to the world of sex a little earlier than her peers.

"Pam always says growing up with a mother who is a sex therapist means you’re certainly thrown in the deep in very quickly and I think she felt very empowered by that. It’s why she’s doing all this holistic work now," Dr. Hall said.

It's all the more reason, Dr. Hall believes, that her daughter is so good at her job.

"Her job is hugely challenging. Anyone can say they do what she does, but you’ve really got to embody it. You’ve got to explore how deeply you can allow and teach your body to receive pleasure.

"This is the sort of thing I have talked about lots academically, and I’ve certainly studied it heaps, but I’ve not been to a Tantric sex weekend," she says.

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And although I haven't been to a Tantric sex weekend either, nor do I have a comprehensive understanding about what they entail, a quick peek at Pam Ella's website and you can understand Dr. Hall's line of thought.

Pam Ella's entire line of work is based on an ability to channel sexual power and energy through what she calls "a tantric skill set". It's not, from an outsider's perception, the kind of thing you can switch on and off. You do, as Dr. Hall said, have to "embody" it, always.

So, if the foundation of both of their careers is sex, where does that leave discussions about their own sex lives? On the table? Off the table? Somewhere in between?

They can certainly chat and it's not awkward, Dr. Hall believes. But they still have their boundaries.

"We respect each others personal histories," she says. "It’s all about being respectful about what you want to share and what you don’t."

Which, perhaps unsurprisingly, means these two aren't so different than your average mother and daughter navigating the boundaries of sex in conversation.

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