Our verdict on Kiss Bang Love.

Warning: Spoilers ahead. 

For those tuning in to Channel Seven’s latest bid at reality TV, here’s what we know about Kiss Bang Love so far: The premise is based around the scientifically unproven idea that people can fall in love through just a kiss.

Contestants are blindfolded and proceed to kiss 12 strangers (with selected friends and family members looking on), choosing five that they wish to kiss again, then two they want to take on a date, and finally, one they’re interested in going on holiday with.

Opening to images of couples kissing at sunset, a mystery voiceover tells us that “a good first kiss is the chemical pathway to love.”

I mean, sure. Maybe it is, but that does seem to fly in the face of the whole “communication and respect is the foundation for a long and loving relationship” thing.

Hi Lisa! Source: Channel 7.

Anyway, tonight we meet Lisa, a 28-year-old hospitality gal just looking for love in this big, bad world.

Lisa describes herself as spontaneous, always up for a laugh and always up for a good time. Did she read that straight from her Tinder profile? Maybe. She says she's looking for love at first sight, so being partnered with a dozen invisible men should prove interesting.


Do you even V, bro? Source: Channel 7. 

First up is Josh, a 25-year-old firefighter who likes to work out and has a time limit on how long people should kiss. His shirt's V dip is so deep it's like a great ravine his heart might just fall into.

Kiss outcome: Good. Lisa giggled and said Josh's kiss was both "soft and sweet."

It's like role play, but more messed up. Source: Channel 7.

Next up is Jaxon, a 24-year-old new age tradie. Lisa says she's open to his profession and appreciates a man that likes to get rough.

Kiss outcome: Also good. Jaxon feels confident that he did enough to impress the woman behind the blindfold.

There's then a fly-by montage of hilarious but ultimately sure-to-be-unsuccessful kissers. One that kisses like "a friend", one that looks like a pestering version of Zorro, and another who needs to work on his kissing skills before heading on national television again.


No Jake, just... no. Source: Channel 7. 

Next up is Jake, a 23-year-old Tarzan lookalike.

Jake says kissing is just like dancing, and then moves around on screen just so we can really understand what he's talking about. Jake's never had a girlfriend and is wearing the type of shorts that remind you of dads on holiday and accentuates their junk in a way that makes it impossible to look away.

Kiss outcome: Terrifying. It is the stuff of school dance nightmares. Do not mount the woman, Jake.


Happy Joel kisses with lips and meaning. Source: Channel 7.

In seventh place is the solar-power business owning Joel. There's another Joel to come, so let's call him Joel One.

At 29, he believes in smiling and treating people well. Good on you, Joel One! He wants to settle down and meet that dream wife for life, but Lisa's sister and friend worry he's too short.

Kiss outcome: "Electric." Lisa later tells the crew that her dress is "wet" from their kiss (sweaty palms). RAUNCHY!

Cue more forgettable blokes....

Here comes Andrew, an Australia Post worker who also writes erotic novels in his downtime.

Kiss outcome: Hellish. Andrew leaves Lisa with pash rash.

The man she's wanted to kiss before but never has. Source: Channel 7. 

In 11th spot is the ~ wild card ~ entry, Ryan, who has been thrown into the french kiss mix by Lisa's sister and best friend.

Ryan and Lisa have actually met, he's Lisa's plumber. So he's quite literally fixed her pipes before. Cute.

Kiss outcome: Rough but in a good way; Lisa wants to know more.


Trav's got serious plans of seduction. Source: Channel 7. 

Last but definitely not least is 34-year-old teacher, Travis. who says he is happy to be single if the relationship is not right, which is basically code for "I've been single for a long time."

Kiss outcome: Excellent. Trav  kisses like a champion greyhound runs a track.

Harder than a bloody Zumba class, that was. Source: Channel Seven. 

After powdering her nose and giving her a tongue a rest, Lisa then picks her top five - a group of men that will return to the room sans blindfold for a chat and second kiss.

Winning the podium spots are deep V Josh, new-age Jaxon, positive vibes Joel One, pipe-cleaning Ryan and sensitive soul Trav.


After having a second round of kisses, Lisa then picks two gents to go on a date with.

Trying out how it feels for when they're old, Jaxon and Lisa. Source: Channel 7.

Jaxon is the first of the final two, with the pair spending the day playing mini-golf, running into each other in giant inflatable balls, and transition seamlessly from day to night with a sunset picnic.

During dinner Jaxon pulls out a guitar and serenades Lisa, which she seems to love. They have a kiss, share a bed, and look totally smitten the next morning.


Ryan tries Japanese food for the first time. Lisa's excited to be popping a cherry. Source: Channel 7.

Just when it looks like Lisa is about to get the Anne Hathaway Princess Diaries foot pop for him, Ryan the plumber arrives.

Interested to see him in another way than just the bum poking out from under her kitchen sink, Lisa takes Ryan on a cocktail making course before heading to a Japanese restaurant.

They laugh, talk about travel, and Ryan learns how to use chopsticks.

Ryan knows how to do things like book massages and go to the gym. Source: Channel 7.

Eventually, Lisa chooses babe-from-down-the-road Ryan to go on holiday with her, jetting him away to a week in Noosa, where they lay on beaches, ate food and were generally an Instagram fanatic's dream couple.

Following on from the show the pair are said to be still dating, with Lisa believing in love at first kiss.

But you know what I take away from this? Love is but your local tradie away, so get the Yellow Pages out now.

Maybe love is just kissing strangers and eventually making your way to a teepee on the beach. I guess we'll never know until episode two...

Listen to Rosie Waterland and Laura Brodnik talk about Kiss Bang Love below....

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