real life

'I hooked up with my best friend of five years. Then he ghosted me.'

About five years ago, I was out at a club with four of my closest girlfriends.

We were having drinks and chatting when we were approached by five guys who recognised one of my friends from a high school play. We got chatting to them and hung out the entire evening.

This group of guys soon became some of my closest friends. There was one guy in particular that I got on so well with, we quickly became inseparable.

He was extremely friendly, super generous and such a good listener.

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I literally told him my entire life story the night I met him. It’s easy to say that out of all my friendships the one I had with him was my favourite.

I was super close with him. He knew everything about me and we would see each other constantly.

There were certain times where it actually felt like we were a couple. We would go to parties and events together, hold hands and be really affectionate towards each other.

I think the main reason we got on so well is because we were both burnt from past relationships so we were the only ones who remained single in our entire friendship group.

Safe to say that towards the fourth year of our friendship I began catching feelings. Him? Not so much.

He did however not let that get in the way of his ‘needs’. One night, we were at a mutual friend’s birthday party. We were hanging out in the spare bedroom which was at the back of the house, while everyone else was partying at the front.

We were just having a classic alcohol-induced deep and meaningful when I thought, ‘I’m going to do it.’

I literally jumped on top of him and started hooking up with him. We had sex three times that night.

We were too embarrassed to walk back into the party from the room, so we went out the back and walked around the house to the front.

Thanks to alcohol and unsolicited drugs, no one suspected a thing. We were completely normal around each other throughout the rest of the evening/early morning so I didn’t think much of it.

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I kept everything that happened that night to myself because that’s how much I cared about him. I knew that I definitely wanted to see him again so a few days later when I was scrolling on Facebook I saw a funny meme and sent it to him. No reply.

I didn’t think much of it since he was really bad at replying in general, but this time something felt… off.

I saw that he had read the message and knew he would’ve found it funny. When I realised he just hadn’t bothered replying, I felt really hurt and confused.

Two weeks later, we were both due to attend the same event on the weekend so I messaged him asking how he was planning to get there. No reply. That’s when I started freaking out.

I thought he regretted that night completely and that our friendship was ruined. It was much worse than that. When I went to the event the vibe was weird. I found out that he told everyone what happened between us which I didn’t think was a big deal but they did.

I had my close girlfriends asking if I was okay (because they knew I had feelings for him). The rest of my “friends” just completely ignored me.

I asked one of them what was wrong and he said that he didn’t want to cause drama. I didn’t know what to say to that but by that point I didn’t care. I was completely humiliated and felt like I did something wrong.

For a whole year my life was filled with self-doubt and embarrassment. I began avoiding all social events and refused to engage in conversations if his name was mentioned.

I later found out that he had asked a few of his mates if it was okay to sleep with me but not date me. That made me furious.

I was considering reaching out to him but decided that he was not worth it, and whatever lies he was spreading didn’t compare to the strength I had in myself to just move on.

To this day, I haven’t seen or heard from him. If we ever get invited to the same social events he declines every time. I’m constantly wondering if our friendship was even real to begin with. Not only did I lose what I thought was a really meaningful friendship but I also lost relationships with four other people over one regrettable night.

Listen to Overshare, the podcast you really shouldn’t be listening to. Just like the best group chat with your mates, Overshare is a bit smart, a bit dumb and a bit taboo. 

The author of this post is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons. Please note: The image used is a stock photo.

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