sex

'When I bought a Google home, I didn't expect it to completely change my sex life.'

When I first got my hands on a Google Home Mini, it was through a deal my phone company had on; I was gifted a ton of extra swag for buying a new phone.

I thought it would be great in our living room, where we could control the lamps with just our voices.

I had some more credit for swag so asked for a second one— and this one was going to change everything. Because I decided to put it in the bedroom I share with my husband.

No longer would my husband and I compete for who could hop into bed faster, leaving the slowpoke to turn off the bedside lamp that was further than an arms-reach away.

So yes, essentially, this all began because I was looking for ways to become even more lazier than I am today. Isn’t consumerism grand?

But oh, that Google Home in our bedroom would become so much more than just a voice-activated light switch.

WATCH: How to have better sex. Post continues below. 

Video by Mamamia

Spontaneous sex is easier now.

You know how, when you want to ‘get down to it’, there are certain sensory things you like to have in place first?

Like nice background music and sexy add-ons that just ‘up’ the atmosphere.

Google Home has you covered.

I recently returned from a five day business trip, and my husband was on his lunch break and just happened to be down the road running an errand.

He hadn’t seen me since I got home, and we were both skittish for some good lovin’.

He texted me asking, “Activate Sexy Time?”

I replied with an eggplant emoji.

ADVERTISEMENT

It was on.

Google Home is a massive time saver.

A two-minute drive away, I was informed by my husband that we had to be quick.

Only two minutes to prep for some nookie, with a few hours of plane on me?

Challenge accepted.

I raced upstairs, and while bursting through the master bedroom, called out, “Hey Google, Activate Sexy Time.”

Immediately, Google began to initiate a sequence of tasks that I had pre-programmed with my husband months ago, in jest.

Well, look who’s laughing now!

The lights changed to a warm purple, and a sultry but hip playlist began quietly playing in the background, all while I threw on some deodorant, sprayed a touch of perfume, and brushed my teeth like my life depended on it.

In the nick of time, I was at the front door, greeting my husband in an immediate, passionate embrace that had us speeding right back upstairs to the bedroom.

We proceeded to have some of the best sex of our marriage.

There’s nothing like some long-awaited nookie to soothe the soul.

Here’s another helpful tip about Google Home — you can broadcast voice messages to other Google Home devices in your home.

Over are the days of becoming horny, and then having to hang over the railing and shout down the stairs to inform your significant other that you want to ‘get it on’ (I guess you could technically text them, but shush).

Does cuddling ruin your sex life? Post continues below.

My husband and I go to bed at different times. He’s the early bird, I’m the night owl. It’s hard for us to have sex if only one of us is in the bedroom.

Last week, I said goodnight to my husband, and he went up to our bedroom.

There I am, sitting in the living room reading a book and minding my own business, when Google Home lights up and I hear: “Psssssst.”

I smirk, clear my throat, and reply, “Hey Google, broadcast, ‘Can I help you?’”

A second passes. Then:“Would you like to join me in the bedroom for some fun?”

ADVERTISEMENT

I put down my book and race up the stairs.

Even when we ourselves fail to be sexy, Google Home picks up the slack.

“Hey Google, bedroom lights 1%.” My husband instructs.

“Ooooh, mood lighting?”

It can be hard to easily get in the mood when you and your partner work stressful full-time jobs and seem to always be on the go.

So any little thing that helps to enhance the sexy, in any little way, is worthwhile in my opinion.

And while, when I just asked Google to ‘tell me something sexy’, she only replied with search result articles on ‘The Best Dirty Talk Phrases for Sexy Times’ and ‘25 Sexy Things to Say to Your Man in the Bedroom’, she can truly hit the mark if you give her clear instructions on exactly what atmosphere you need to feel a little sexier.

And though Google might light up a couple of times during the deed, possibly listening to our romantics in a gross invasion of privacy, the fantastic sex sure makes that easier to stomach!

We need all of your feels about our events. Take our survey for a chance to win $100.

00:00 / ???